Seems weird after the shitshow that was last year

But i have very little energy and hope for my life at this point.

There are so few people in my life i can actually speak to about my mental and emotional issues without them saying some equivalent of "get over it" or "don't be ridiculous". I can't get consistent help, which is partially my fault because I can't seem to commit to this. Asking for help just makes me anxious because elaborating makes me uncomfortable now.

I don't enjoy anything as much as I used to. I don't even really like posting my art here anymore. I don't know why I still bother, it's not like I participate in this community much or at all. And it's not like anyone actually reads these either.

I feel a growing amount of disillusionment and estrangement from humanity and discomfort in being human myself. Instincts, civilization, mentality. It all feels complicated and sick to me. I suppose this might fall into the category of "misanthropy" but I don't feel like that group of people entirely describes me either.

There probably isn't. I think there's something very wrong with me or my personality. I don't think it's normal to be so vindictive about every thing other people do or think.

Next year I will graduate from college, barring that nothing goes wrong, which is unlikely at this point. I don't have a bedroom anymore. So I guess I'll have to figute out living on my own and getting a full time job as soon as possible. I certainly don't have enough to make a down payment on any house. So i don't have goid feelings about next year either.