I am happy with my artwork now, I feel like it's something unique to me. Nothing else really looks like my art. That really should be enough, but the fact that I'm posting it online... is kind of evidence that it's not? Maybe? I don't know how to feel anymore.

When I finish something I get this kind of excitement about sharing it to other people, winders about what others will say. Even though I don't get much feedback and for all I know nobody is really looking... and there's always the fear of being ostracized. It's so weird, like I want feedback but I don't want a fanbase or popularity... I don't understand what it is I'm really looking to get out of it. I know what I get out of drawing but I don't know what I get out of sharing it. I guess that need and excitement is a hold over from my teenage years.

It is a confusing mess of contradiction. It seems like everyone else has it figured out. And when that's the case (from my perspective) I feel silly talking about it. It's not like anyone is going to give me answers. Maybe there are none.

I don't know where I am going with this. It's 3 in the morning. I'm a lonely, autistic, barely functioning adult. Anxious highs, depressive lows. I can't sleep. I haven't even been drawing much recently. Everything I type is probably just word soup.

Well, goodnight. I don't have much else to say right now. That's coherent, anyway.